Hospice/Palliative Care

This is one of the hardest posts that I have had to write; the last  several months have been a blur with a mix of emotions being mad at God, frustrated, discouraged, sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, the list goes on and on.  Greg has continued to decline to the point that we have decided to get hospice and palliative care involved.

Greg started having some problems once he entered the nursing home, he would see himself in the mirror and start yelling because he didn't recognize himself, he would also pace the floors day and night until he would become so exhausted that he would simply sit down where ever he was, thus resulting in me getting a phone call saying he had fallen, when he really hadn't, he had just sat down because he had worn himself out. It came to the point where his safety and the safety of the staff at the nursing home became a concern so he was admitted to the Mental Health Unit at the VA Hospital where they adjusted his medications and he is now on the Community Living Center (CLC) at the VA. He is still having issues and is now not eating or drinking very well, has lost a significant amount of weight  and is over all continuing to  decline.  So we made the decision to put Greg in Hospice/Palliative Care.




Over the last few years Greg has slowly been taken from me, Trevor,Nich,Elliot,Bryce, Kiefer, Bobbi, Nikki and Walter, little by little,  piece by piece  to where he no longer knows any of us; although we do  occasionally get a great big grin when we mention specific names or things and he will speak clearly and tell you exactly what is on his mind.

It has been emotionally and mentally exhausting to watch the man that I promised to love forever, for better, for worse, in sickness and health, who helped me raise our sons, who has taught me so much about living life to its fullest, who was young and youthful and acted like a young adult himself  become a shell of the man he once was. Greg is here but  not here, he seems far away. It really is hard to put into words how it feels to lose someone who you have loved forever, to see them drift away from you, to see them become lost in their own world and to have to watch your children and grandchildren lose their father and grandfather.; to feel totally helpless.  

But one thing that I have been taught through all of this is what unconditional love is; through 37+ years of marriage I have seen and experienced the best and the worst in Greg, we been through many happy times and many very difficult times and I would not have wanted to experience this life and all its adventures with anyone else by my side. Although it won't be easy to let Greg go; it's never easy to lose someone you love, I do know that he will be healed and whole and in the arms of his loving Lord and Savior and welcomed by many people who also love him.